At the start of every year, I usually set some goals or intentions, and set a word for the year.
My word for 2021 was EASE.
Sadly this year was NOT particularly easeful, kicking off, as it did, with three months of working full time with my children ‘homeschooling’ around me.
But EASE was still a useful word. It ended up being a reminder for me throughout the year, to keep things simple where I could.
Because the start of the year was such a shitshow, the goals I set were very loose. So instead of my usual ‘these were my goals, how did I do with them?’ review, I thought I’d share some of the lessons I learned in 2021.
1. I can do hard things
I won’t go into a liturgy of complaints here, as there are also umpteen things in my life to be grateful for, but let’s just say that there were many obstacles to overcome this year.
Some weeks, I felt like one of those hurdle jumpers you see in the Olympics. Barely were my feet on the floor before it was time to jump over another giant hurdle.
And yet, I did it, and I’m here, and still mostly doing okay (even though I can’t really do the small talk ‘I’m fine’ anymore).
Next year may or may not be easier, but either way, I will come out the other side.
2. I can also choose not to do hard things
If 2020 was a binfire, 2021 was a binfire in a flood. The continuation of the pandemic was exhausting and overwhelming.
As per point 1, I dealt with a lot of hard things. But I also realised that I didn’t need to take everything on.
They felt important, but were they actually important to me? Was it important for ME to be the one doing it?
This showed up like:
- Choosing not to homeschool. I was working full time in the January lockdown. I was also supplied with a full, 9-3 schedule of activity to do with the kids. I’ll let you guess which won out.
- Changing my ex-husband’s ‘next of kin’ details from me to his parents.
- Not going back to the office when everyone on the team I was freelancing with headed back in.
- Turning down work when it didn’t match what I want to do, and/or I already felt busy enough.
3. I’m a great parent.
One of the hard things this year was dealing with my kids emotions. Between homeschooling and having another, unreliable, parent, who has recently been extremely neurologically unwell, it’s been a lot for them, too.
But they are ending the year seeming pretty balanced. This isn’t 100% down to me, of course – there *might* be a few other people involved (amazing grandparents, a brilliantly supportive school, etc). But I like to think I played a rather major role in it!
Will I be saying the same in a month or a year’s time? Who knows. Every time you settle into a phase of parenting, a new one begins, so I doubt it will last. But for right now, I feel really good about this.
I’m sharing this as a learning because I have been on many a rollercoaster with my parenting emotions. At times I have felt like I was doing an absolutely atrocious job, and other times felt like my kids were okay, but I was not. So, I’m taking a beat to appreciate that right now, I feel pretty damn good about it.
4. Time blocking stops me from overbooking myself
This year, I finally started using a digital calendar.
I love paper, and found it really hard to move away from my paper planner (I still use them now, but for other purposes). But now that people can book time with me using Calendly, I need to make sure my diary is as up to date as possible.
This means not only adding in meetings and calls, but also blocking out when I am going to work on certain clients.
Now, I wish I had started doing this much sooner.
If I am working 2 days a week for a client, I put those hours into my diary. This means that I can see, at a glance, how much time I actually have for other stuff. I also have downtime, like a full hour for lunch, and some time in the morning for a cup of tea when I get home from the school run, booked in every single day. I don’t *have* to use it, but I feel good knowing that it’s there.
I have spent most of my freelance career overbooking myself for work, and feeling stressed as a result. Time blocking my diary in this way means that I’m finally starting to understand how much work I can actually take on.
5. I don’t need to be an expert
I read in Denise Duffield Thomas’s book, Chillpreneur*, that she doesn’t see herself as an expert, but as a contributor. And that really made a lightbulb ping on in my head. I don’t feel like an “expert” in anything, really, and when others assign that word to me, I feel really uncomfortable.
So instead, I’m thinking of myself as someone who has a lot of experience this area, and is contributing to the discussion about it online. That feels soooo much better.
This has felt like a particularly needed message over the last month or two, where I’ve had the absolute privilege of having one-off calls with people I thought, from the outside, would not need my help. They have huge followings of super engaged people, and create regular, great content.
They *definitely* have a huge amount of expertise in building their platform – far more than I do.
But typing up the notes after the call, I realised, every time, that I have a lot to contribute. I got consisteny feedback that they’d found their call super useful, and I’ve been able to see the positive reaction to some of the things we’d talked about. My ideas, getting thousands of people interacting with their book content!
What were your top lessons of 2021?
There were many, many more lessons learned this year, but those 5 stood out for me.
What were the key things you’ll be taking away from this year?